she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
