There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
