Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
