Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
