There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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