You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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