32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
