My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
