i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
