He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just found puke in my bra..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize