i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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