I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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