So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
