using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
