i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
