i think my mom watched the whole time
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
