I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize