dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Are we still banned from the library?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
