haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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