she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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