You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
