We're facebook friends in real life
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
