He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
