i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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