are you still at the devil's house?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
