so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
