someone get that fucking seahorse.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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