Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
