You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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