Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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