Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's shark week go big or go home
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
