so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
