i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
