Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
