eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I cut my penus on the lid.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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