I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
