The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
