the condom got lost in my hair
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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