I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
