After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
