Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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