Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
