so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
