It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
