How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
