if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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