Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
