I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
