I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
