I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
