She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
