Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize