i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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