doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
