She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
