Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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