Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
