Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
