Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
