is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
