No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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