oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
