Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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