Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize