I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
