just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
