It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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