My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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