you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
