you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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