1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
