If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
