I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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