i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
