My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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