what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
50% drunk capacity currently
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize