Christians are straight up FREAKS
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
