I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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