Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize