it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
ttyl tear gas
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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