So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
