Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
