I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize