peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
