Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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