My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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