Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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