Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
