Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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