Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize