i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
