Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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