oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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