It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
