my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
