i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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